The Floor From Hell

[cheesy]

Much swearing occurred. Some blood was spilled. Cheesy had to take a 'Time Out' due to a melt down. In the end, though, after almost eight hours and getting less than fifty square feet of the new flooring installed, Mrs. C agreed with Cheesys' early on assessment that Aqua Guard engineered hardwood, 'supposedly snap-lock', flooring is absolulte shit to work with.
The first row was even a problem. We never did get the last piece in the row to stay locked in place. In subsequent rows, you could snap a piece in nicely, then have the piece snap out when installing the next piece. Or worse, have it pop out when working on another row.
Mrs. C thought I was just being a crab ass because I don't like using vacation time for her home projects. And that's mostly true. I also don't like following instructions to the letter and not having things work like they are claimed to work. After several times of that happening, I went ballastic. Mrs. C told me go do something else and I took my time out. I had an eye doc appointment, so I went there. When I came back, Mrs. C was no farther along than when I'd left. In fact, she had pulled it apart and was trying to get it in place a second time and still having no luck. You could have knocked me over with a feather when she said that I was right and it needed to go back.
We bought 37 boxes at a tad over $71 a box. 34 boxes are going back tomorrow and I don't give a damn about the $213 hit. We also have three days of prep work and not a thing to show for it.

[Bruces]

Some of those floors are just a complete royal pain ,others just seem to fall into place perfectly .

[Landsvw]

We got our snap together floor from Home Depot and it worked great, and is still looking good after about 5 years. Ours is the laminate tho, so mileage may vary...

I can completely relate to “hey, you have a holiday, let’s do a project”... ugh. Got out of sheetrocking for Christmas this year tho.. lol. Told her the new job was stressful (which it is) and Sheetrock would have to wait.

[bogieboy]

The trick i learned for laying snap lock floor is before you go to snap it down, take a small block of wood, say a 1x4 or so, and with the row in position to snap in, hold it up at about a 15-20° angle and tap it with a hammer and block into the last row....helps seat everything together better.... that said, it took me 4 hrs to lay my bathroom floor....

[Sport Rider]

I've always been apprehensive about the snap together stuff. I stuck with the tongue-groove stuff that I glued together as I went. I've used it several times and always worked great and lasted very well.

[cheesy]

I’ve done snap flooring in two rooms, ceramic in one, vinyl in one, and nailed down tongue and groove in two, so I’m no virgin when it comes to doing this stuff. Aqua Guard is the absolute worst stuff we’ve ever worked with.
That said, after an evening to cool down, we are going to set fire to the Aqua Guard instructions and try it our way, which is the same as every other snap lock floor out there. Mostly, though, because neither of us is wanting to lug 34 sixty pound boxes back out to the pickup.
On the plus side, Mrs. C has finally realized that we may be too old to do this crap anymore.

[Sport Rider]

My wife has come to that same realization! Mostly though, because I'm too busy to make the progress she wants. after all, I have motorcycles to work on! :D

[cheesy]

Ditched the instructions like George Kennedy in the movie Airport, we got more done today in four hours than in eight yesterday. Once we get past the kitchen island, we should really fly. Hope to wrap this fiasco up by tomorrow evening.

[BlackBike]

As bogieboy said, i remember that trick with the angle thing and the 2x4 hammer too. Did a whole house full once.

It would be a mess but I wonder if powder would aid in the click. Just thinking out loud

[cheesy]

It would be a mess but I wonder if powder would aid in the click. Just thinking out loud


You're close. As this stuff is supposed to be water proof, I mixed up some dish soap and water in a teeny bottle with an even teenier spout. A couple drops on the short end, a whack with a rubber mallet, and it's seated. If it's stubborn, a hunk of hard wood and a whack with my claw hammer.

[wheelbender6]

"Ditched the instructions like George Kennedy in the movie Airport"

Well said, Cheesy! No tellin' how many cigars he chewed thru in that scene.

My wife and I laid 600 sf of tile in our house in Chandler, AZ back at the turn of the century. Amazing that the marriage survived.

[Sport Rider]

I don't understand you guys working with your spouses. mine knows to disappear and not bother me until the job is done. it's safer for the whole house that way. :D

[cheesy]

I wonder that myself.

[bogieboy]

I don't understand you guys working with your spouses. mine knows to disappear and not bother me until the job is done. it's safer for the whole house that way. :D

i do most of my projects when she is at work....LOL:hehe:

[2LZ]

I love to work with Mrs. 2LZ. She really enjoys it when I bring her beers. Just watching her work so hard wears me out sometimes.

[Sport Rider]

2LZ, your wife has already been recognized as the except to most every female/wife rule! :tup:

[roundhouse]

I got the cheap laminate from lumber liquidators. Went together easy. Only problems were done by the installer........me. I did 1000 sq ft in 4 rooms and a hall.

After that I paid the convenience tax and had a pro come do the living room and dining room. Best $$$ spent ever

[cheesy]

Well, didn't finish but got the kitchen 99% done. The island ate up a lot of time. We did get a lot done and only decided to stop after I made the same cut mistake twice in a row.
Casualties today consisted of one sliver for myself and two slivers and a cut for Mrs. C. Although, my beloved digital Grundig AM/FM/SW radio crashed off the fridge and may have suffered a mortal injury.:cry:

[Landsvw]

I get an eye twitch every time my wonderful wife says, “all we gotta do is...”. The decoder manual says, “all we have to do” is code for some insane project that will take me approximately 2 weeks and cost thousands of $$$ and will probably be on a holiday so all I get is to breathe either paint fumes for that time or maybe be covered in Sheetrock dust. The last one actually kept me in the fresh air since it was replacing 6 big windows. She said I should count myself lucky. ;)

[Bruces]

I don’t do home projects usually when my wife is home ,I send her on a trip to Hawaii ,Florida ,or ? ,don’t tell her a thing ,and the minute she is out the door I make it happen .I don’t need her constant “professional “ advice ,and she won’t shut her trap ,so I have found it works best this way .Now ,my daughter is exactly the same as my wife ,except even more annoying because she won’t move out (she is a 28 yr old federal agent ),so with her I tell her that whatever she is b1tching about is probably all better at “her” house that she could move into anytime .
The funny thing is with both of my household pros ,they have never grabbed a hammer or screwdriver in their lives ,yet they know everything about whatever I am doing .

[cheesy]

Bruce, you just described every job with a manager.

[cheesy]

Gonna wrap this up today. We worked 12 hours yesterday and are about 1/3 the way thru the living room/dining room/foyer. That should should fly because it’s the only room with a minimal amount of cuts. I wore out three oscillating saw blades yesterday with all the fitting we had to do. The hallway was a challenge because it ends as a ‘T’ and there are five doorways to deal with. I still have to finish the final row there but each plank needs to be ripped and I’m saving that for last.

Mrs. C has finally seen why I fought this for two years. She has an annoying habit of looking on the ‘bright side’ while I am a firm believer in Murphy’s Law. Or “It’ll be worth it in the end and look so nice.” vs “Oh What Fresh Hell Is This?”, followed by a string of F-bombs. She hit an aggravating spot yesterday and actually started swearing. I kinda went, “yeah, so?”. What should have taken two minutes in her world, was forty five in mine. She also complained about the myriad of small cuts on her fingers as we were shutting down for the night. Welcome to my world, lady. She now knows that 850 square feet is a hell of lot a lot flooring. And a hell of a lot of work.

[BlackBike]

I don’t do home projects usually when my wife is home ,I send her on a trip to Hawaii ,Florida ,or ? ,don’t tell her a thing ,and the minute she is out the door I make it happen .I don’t need her constant “professional “ advice ,and she won’t shut her trap ,so I have found it works best this way .Now ,my daughter is exactly the same as my wife ,except even more annoying because she won’t move out (she is a 28 yr old federal agent ),so with her I tell her that whatever she is b1tching about is probably all better at “her” house that she could move into anytime .
The funny thing is with both of my household pros ,they have never grabbed a hammer or screwdriver in their lives ,yet they know everything about whatever I am doing .

I get an eye twitch every time my wonderful wife says, “all we gotta do is...”. The decoder manual says, “all we have to do” is code for some insane project that will take me approximately 2 weeks and cost thousands of $$$ and will probably be on a holiday so all I get is to breathe either paint fumes for that time or maybe be covered in Sheetrock dust. The last one actually kept me in the fresh air since it was replacing 6 big windows. She said I should count myself lucky. ;)

These are amongst some of the best comments I seen . Lmao :lmao:

Chinarider Hall of Fame Awards for both

[Bruces]

These are amongst some of the best comments I seen . Lmao :lmao:

Chinarider Hall of Fame Awards for both

you get to know a thing or two about how “they” operate after 32 years .

[Landsvw]

you get to know a thing or two about how “they” operate after 32 years .

Haha how did you know! Exactly 32 years!

My wife says, “all you have to do is...”.

My buddies wife says, “here’s the deal. If we just do ...”

Both make us cringe. We know something big is coming.

The qualifier always seems to be the “how hard could it be?” Statement like, just, or all you have to do. That makes most married men verrrrry nervous.

And don’t get me wrong, love my wife. But as Cheesy inferred, the ladies have NO idea how much work and money these home projects entail.

On the other hand, if I wasn’t married I’d probably live in a fairly dirty cave full of motorcycle parts.

[cheesy]

32 years? Noobs. Try 44.


Today was horrible but we are at 99% and holding. I have to work in Dallas starting tomorrow and I'm sure Mrs. C will be glad to be rid of me and my 'bad attitude' for 4.5 days.


Once this nightmare is over, the next thing will probably be new kitchen cabinets and counter tops but I'm pretty sure I won't be asked to install them.

[bogieboy]

Cabinets and countertop (at least formica countertop) is super easy......i would do that over snap lock floor any day....

[cheesy]

Cabinets and countertop (at least formica countertop) is super easy......i would do that over snap lock floor any day....

IMO, the cabinets and countertops are fine.

[Bruces]

IMO, the cabinets and countertops are fine.

Stevie Wonder Sunglasses “ Would probably be a great valentines gift for Mrs.C if that’s the story you are sticking too .

[Weldangrind]

The qualifier always seems to be the “how hard could it be?” Statement like, just, or all you have to do. That makes most married men verrrrry nervous.

Tantamount to that is getting a phone call at work, with my wife asking "Where do we keep the hammer?"

[JerryHawk250]

Tantamount to that is getting a phone call at work, with my wife asking "Where do we keep the hammer?"

And my answer to that question is "what do you need a hammer for?" :hmm: I have a bath room renovation I've been putting off for a while.

[cheesy]

"Where do we keep the hammer?"

In the right hand bottom drawer of the long red tool box. Not the tall black tool box. But first, you need to find your key to the garage door because mine is with me in Dallas. Unlock and lift up the over head door, then pull the snowblower outside and park it next to the garage. Then, lean across the front tractor seat of the Ural and press down on the brake pedal with your left hand while turning the parking brake release clockwise with your right. Stand behind the Ural and pull it back until the front tire hits the over head door weather stripping on the floor. If you go too far, turn the handle bar to the left and let it roll into the yard. The snow will stop it. Now, lift the hood of the DeSoto and reconnect the positive ground cable to the battery. Close the hood. Open the drivers door and park your butt behind that huge steering wheel. Turn the ignition key to the right and let go of the key. Push clutch all the way to the floor. Push the gas pedal part way down and then push the shiny chrome button that says starter. Might take ten or twelve times before it starts. Once the engine starts, move the gear shift to neutral and let the clutch out. Wait three minutes. After three minutes, reach under the left side of the dash and release the parking brake. Now, push the clutch in and move the shift lever up and towards you. Release the clutch. Push the clutch back in and restart the engine. Try again and back the car up about five feet or until you back into the the shop truck. Leave the engine running, pull on the parking brake lever and put the transmission in neutral. Walk over to the LONG RED tool box and pick the hammer of your choice from the bottom right hand drawer. That’s the drawer that says “Hammers”. Now put everything back the way you found it before you use that hammer.

She’d stop at ‘find your key’ and go buy a hammer of her own.

[JerryHawk250]

:lmao:
My wife keeps asking me when am I going to do the floors in the bathroom. I tell her when you finish removing the wall paper off the wall that you started pulling off that I told you not to put 20 years ago so I can prep the wall for paint that I wanted to do 20 years ago.
In the right hand bottom drawer of the long red tool box. Not the tall black tool box. But first, you need to find your key to the garage door because mine is with me in Dallas. Unlock and lift up the over head door, then pull the snowblower outside and park it next to the garage. Then, lean across the front tractor seat of the Ural and press down on the brake pedal with your left hand while turning the parking brake release clockwise with your right. Stand behind the Ural and pull it back until the front tire hits the over head door weather stripping on the floor. If you go too far, turn the handle bar to the left and let it roll into the yard. The snow will stop it. Now, lift the hood of the DeSoto and reconnect the positive ground cable to the battery. Close the hood. Open the drivers door and park your butt behind that huge steering wheel. Turn the ignition key to the right and let go of the key. Push clutch all the way to the floor. Push the gas pedal part way down and then push the shiny chrome button that says starter. Might take ten or twelve times before it starts. Once the engine starts, move the gear shift to neutral and let the clutch out. Wait three minutes. After three minutes, reach under the left side of the dash and release the parking brake. Now, push the clutch in and move the shift lever up and towards you. Release the clutch. Push the clutch back in and restart the engine. Try again and back the car up about five feet or until you back into the the shop truck. Leave the engine running, pull on the parking brake lever and put the transmission in neutral. Walk over to the LONG RED tool box and pick the hammer of your choice from the bottom right hand drawer. That’s the drawer that says “Hammers”. Now put everything back the way you found it before you use that hammer.

She’d stop at ‘find your key’ and go buy a hammer of her own.

[Landsvw]

Please, gentlemen, don’t leave these pages open for the women to find or we are all done for... :)

[2LZ]

My brother re-tiled his bathroom floor last week. He texts me:

"This has turned into a real 'project of resentment'. This was her idea, she wanted to be involved. So far she's done nothing but complain about having to use the other bathroom and now that I need to go to the chiropractor from bending over for the week, as I'm finishing up the grout, she's in town getting a massage."

[Bruces]

it’s starting to sound like we need a support group .

[cheesy]

It’s got to be the remodeling that pisses me off so badly.
I’m in Dallas working on a 12 year old crane that has seen little maintenance. Rear steering axle king pins are broken, along with a faulty hydraulic displacement control(HDC). Have our new JET (junior executive in training) with me to get some experience. Replacing the HDC is akin to working under a sink but with a boatload more things to get in the way and you have to stand on a ladder. Took about a half hour. The axles I have not messed with for years but it all came back. The axle fought us all day getting it apart, but I only dropped a couple of f-bombs and never lost my cool.
The next time I notice a king pin issue on a customers’ machine, though, I’m not going to open my mouth.:doh:

[Weldangrind]

it’s starting to sound like we need a support group .

I think this is it.

[cheesy]

It is finished.

[BlackBike]

you get to know a thing or two about how “they” operate after 32 years .

Are we still talking about motorcycles:hehe:

[cheesy]

Once this nightmare is over, the next thing will probably be new kitchen cabinets and counter tops.

I called it.
She was disappointed by my lack of enthusiasm.