Well, long story short, it was apparently removing the evap canister that caused my issues. When I reinstalled it, it started up immediately, no more cranking or giving it gas. Changed the oil, started the bike up to circulate said oil; immediate starting again.
Besides draining from the bottom plug (17mm socket), I also drained the left side where the screen is (24mm or 15/16" socket). I wanted to check blockage. The screen was fine.
(Never did drain the gas BTW; always do the cheap and easy troubleshooting first.)
Went for a short ride (immediate startup again) and it performed perfectly. Even took it up to 8K RPM for a second to check fuel delivery. Also no popping on decel, which it did just a little, after removing the canister.
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